Why Am I So Rebellious

I have been going through a rough patch. My husband was recently diagnosed with Diabetes and I have the begginings of an ulcer. It has been a hard month or so, and I have felt almost like God has removed his presence from me. I couldn't pray, keep focused in church, or even think about God for any length of time. For me, this is not normal.

I was really thinking about it yesterday and I came to the realization, God had not moved, I had moved. God had set me up to be a keeper at home and I rebelled and went back to work. God had put the conviction in my heart to wear a covering at church, and I stopped because no one else was doing it. God gave me a heart to serve my husband, but when things didn't go my way I blamed him. God didn't change, I changed.

I think God let these past few things happen not to punish me, but to wake me up to the sin I was falling into. God litereally gave me the push I needed! I fell at work and hurt my wrist, not severely, but enough to get my attention and keep me from work . Now, I am back at home, where I belong for now.

So, I say "Okay God, I'm tired of running and doing things my way. I will do what you give me the heart to do. I will be a keeper at home, a lover of my husband, a kind smile in a hard world, the odd one with the covering at church. Lord, I want to do it your way, the only way."